I mean wow
Well I have been doing bgc hard these days. There was a dude on there I met from adam and he stated hitting me up again. I have been extremely reluctant to meet up with him because basically he never really sent me a pic. i mean not one I could tell what he looked liek from anyhow. well yesterday out of sheer boredom I decided to exchange numbers with him. I always kept in mind that he does live close. We talked and I just had diarhea of the mouth (my elementary teachers always called it that). I was telling dude everything about me , stuff I really dont tell people anymore I talked about the hoe and heartbreak days alike. He listened he commented , all I could think is damn we would make good friends in the least bit.
I decided we would meet up later, my homegirl came over and we chilled ended up going out to eat . In the back of my mind I was thinking oh no I hope dude doesn't call because I dont even have my phone on me. Any how he didnt call until I was in about 10 mintues of getting to my house. We talked and my hesitation set in again at almost 11 pm he was asking me if I wanted to come over and chill. For some reason I was like aight lets go .
He lives close but not a place I have ever been on the way over. I almost had a panic attack because a rat was walking across my pathway. oh boy on top of my nervousniss this boy is going to hear me have a panic attack. Anyhow I got to the building and I waited downstairs , I was nervous as fuck. Bam in he comes and my inner mental jaw dropped. But I didn't go crazy I didn't know if he liked me or even thought I was cute .
Well we chilled in the house watched tv the whole time im thinking oh man does he like me I dont know. So I did what I do best I just played it cool. We talked a little and then I got really into the tv that was until he hit me in the head with his pillow and I threw it back and everytime I got to into the tv he hit me in the head again. And he kept hitting me in the head till I got the message. (ding dong) He wants my attention. I gave it to him, first it started looking at his finger nails and I talked to him real close, I looked in his eyes I was right there with him I mean right there.
Oh shit
oh shit
something in happening here
for some reason I burried my head in his neck and he sure did smell good
I did that two more times and he burried his head in mind I knew this was the prelude to a kiss.
The next time was a kiss. an upside down kiss . Damn that shit was good, I felt what I have been wanting to feel for the longest ****tingly**** hell yeah and I exhaled..........
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I owe the Chicago trip post
Hmmm
Well im not one to run down every event so I guess I will summerize it. I will start by saying the beginning of the trip was cute. Even the first night where the club was empty I was talking to people and being social actually the whole trip I was talking to strangers , nice strangers. Even Lois the tranny who we bumped into who my detroit buddy made fun of . I personally though of Lois as hmmm, I have come a long way I stood there and conversed with Lois casting no judgement she was quite a character although she invaded personal space she seemed to have a good spirit and thats all that matters at the end of the day. But 4 years ago I would have been scared to even have a convo lol.
The majority of the trip was spent in traffic. My main issue with the whole trip was thier was a cloud of negativity looming over it and no matter how much I tried to lighten the mood even after my contacts were washed down the drain my Detroits friend that could of negativity was not leaving . My boy Detroit wasnt feeling the club thing, and i guess i can understand that . Everyone doesnt embrace that aspect of the culture like I do. I think one of my high lights of the trip was the last day when I went to the festival. Although I was all alone I just love to see our people outside of the club. All I could think to myself is damn It must be great to be str8 because they live in this setting always. Anyhow I met this dude from adam there at first I felt as though I wouldnt be attracted to him because well.... his voice was kind of high but I met up with him anyhow and thank god I did. We had such a nice date and he really began to turn me on with his intelligence and the level of conversation we had. He was real cool people . When we shook hands before he left all I could think was damn I want to fuck him. I went back to the hotel and didn't feel liek doing the train to go to the club so I fell asleep thinking about the hot sex we could have had lol ( it s the summer im so horny this is not me talking its the horny me talking excuse it)
Well im not one to run down every event so I guess I will summerize it. I will start by saying the beginning of the trip was cute. Even the first night where the club was empty I was talking to people and being social actually the whole trip I was talking to strangers , nice strangers. Even Lois the tranny who we bumped into who my detroit buddy made fun of . I personally though of Lois as hmmm, I have come a long way I stood there and conversed with Lois casting no judgement she was quite a character although she invaded personal space she seemed to have a good spirit and thats all that matters at the end of the day. But 4 years ago I would have been scared to even have a convo lol.
The majority of the trip was spent in traffic. My main issue with the whole trip was thier was a cloud of negativity looming over it and no matter how much I tried to lighten the mood even after my contacts were washed down the drain my Detroits friend that could of negativity was not leaving . My boy Detroit wasnt feeling the club thing, and i guess i can understand that . Everyone doesnt embrace that aspect of the culture like I do. I think one of my high lights of the trip was the last day when I went to the festival. Although I was all alone I just love to see our people outside of the club. All I could think to myself is damn It must be great to be str8 because they live in this setting always. Anyhow I met this dude from adam there at first I felt as though I wouldnt be attracted to him because well.... his voice was kind of high but I met up with him anyhow and thank god I did. We had such a nice date and he really began to turn me on with his intelligence and the level of conversation we had. He was real cool people . When we shook hands before he left all I could think was damn I want to fuck him. I went back to the hotel and didn't feel liek doing the train to go to the club so I fell asleep thinking about the hot sex we could have had lol ( it s the summer im so horny this is not me talking its the horny me talking excuse it)
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Get out of jail free card
Well I think me and my friend had our last discussion. He wanted to know why it is that I dont innitiate us hanging out and to be honst I couldn't even think up and answer. Well I guess it wasn't not being able to think up and answer but it was more of not being able to think up an answer that wouldnt hurt his feelings. After me not answering the question he was done with the conversation he said he would call me later but that didnt happen. He has been practicing the art of distancing himself from me and I think he is making a good decision. I sold him a lemon, well not really I never really sold him anything. I pretty much maintained a show of inconsistency and he pretty much figured his percistence could change everything. He is a sweet dude I want to end this in a respectful way I just don't really know how to. In the beginning he told me he doesn't need another friend so would it really matter how respectful I end this its not like we will ever really talk again. I hope I didnt hurt his feelings. I dont want the karma but shit the pass few years, what I have been dealing with in dating I feel like I'm at a karma deficit so it should all work out lol.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Gay Only
Damn I am tired of faking the funk
And I really do believe in the laws of attraction. How can I attract realness and authenticity to myself when I dont keep it real or authentic.At the end of the day a lie is a lie and being dishonest is being dishonest.
What brings this all to the surface, well im tired of trying to play it in the straight world. I have flaked on my homegirl two weeks in the row because I can't find a way to tell her I really do not want to go to straight clubs with her on the regular like we do sometimes. She is not as interested in rolling with me to a gay club. When I go to a straight club I feel like I am taken back to when I was in college and I was at those clubs and parties. The work straight men have to go through at a club for even the most broke down bitch is rediculous. I mean all these heffers be acting crazy. Plus I only prefer to do black clubs because to be honest the sisters know how to admire a nubian prince like myself. Any way I like to go to gay clubs I will admit. I like to dance with boys and I have fun feeling free to be and do me . I wish homegirl could understand. Gay only wouldnt be a bad idea. I mean there are some gay people who dont even have straight friends. Wow that is something that I could not imagine because most if not all of my friends are straight . And because of my field of work they are straight women. Those broads want to know way too much information and I'm tired of the lying and the double life living. It is very frustrating , if all my freinds were gay like other gay people do it wouldnt be an issue but I am way too outgoing to not get to know the peopel I am working around in any situation . The closer and closer I come to turning thirty I begin to understand people whose lives only revolve around the gay world.
And I really do believe in the laws of attraction. How can I attract realness and authenticity to myself when I dont keep it real or authentic.At the end of the day a lie is a lie and being dishonest is being dishonest.
What brings this all to the surface, well im tired of trying to play it in the straight world. I have flaked on my homegirl two weeks in the row because I can't find a way to tell her I really do not want to go to straight clubs with her on the regular like we do sometimes. She is not as interested in rolling with me to a gay club. When I go to a straight club I feel like I am taken back to when I was in college and I was at those clubs and parties. The work straight men have to go through at a club for even the most broke down bitch is rediculous. I mean all these heffers be acting crazy. Plus I only prefer to do black clubs because to be honest the sisters know how to admire a nubian prince like myself. Any way I like to go to gay clubs I will admit. I like to dance with boys and I have fun feeling free to be and do me . I wish homegirl could understand. Gay only wouldnt be a bad idea. I mean there are some gay people who dont even have straight friends. Wow that is something that I could not imagine because most if not all of my friends are straight . And because of my field of work they are straight women. Those broads want to know way too much information and I'm tired of the lying and the double life living. It is very frustrating , if all my freinds were gay like other gay people do it wouldnt be an issue but I am way too outgoing to not get to know the peopel I am working around in any situation . The closer and closer I come to turning thirty I begin to understand people whose lives only revolve around the gay world.
Monday, April 16, 2007
It's wet in here
Well it rained like hell today and my apartment is very flooded and that basically helped my day to be pretty much a waste of time. I sat here and swept water out, talked to the landlord a million times and it was a useless day. Im tyring to use the laws of attraction to will me to have a great day tomorrow.
Also I spent alot of the day talking to my new friend. As a result of our blow up a few days ago I learned so much about him. I Like this man I must admit but damn we are too totally different people. He's good though but he is finally showing himself and damn he is a spoiled brat he likes it his way I keep wondering is that something I can deal with. The other issue is that he has expressed to me that I am the only one he is talking to and that is how he operates and again I operate a totally different way. And he stopped short of saying that if he knew I was dating others he would be hurt. And I basically said nothing. I am not really dating others but I am still leaving my options open and god forbid he found out I was on adam. But shit this is who I am and we arent in a relationship so I do not owe him certain information like this. This is a strange situation because I have never had to tell some one who I trully am. But then again I do not have to tell him yet and yes I do still have the urge to date other people but no one treats me the way he does..........
Also I spent alot of the day talking to my new friend. As a result of our blow up a few days ago I learned so much about him. I Like this man I must admit but damn we are too totally different people. He's good though but he is finally showing himself and damn he is a spoiled brat he likes it his way I keep wondering is that something I can deal with. The other issue is that he has expressed to me that I am the only one he is talking to and that is how he operates and again I operate a totally different way. And he stopped short of saying that if he knew I was dating others he would be hurt. And I basically said nothing. I am not really dating others but I am still leaving my options open and god forbid he found out I was on adam. But shit this is who I am and we arent in a relationship so I do not owe him certain information like this. This is a strange situation because I have never had to tell some one who I trully am. But then again I do not have to tell him yet and yes I do still have the urge to date other people but no one treats me the way he does..........
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
My Stomach is in knots
I dont know why but I am buggin right now
My vacation is officially over and its time to go back to work. I am prepared but I just don't feel like going. I am trying to feel good about it but its not working. Oh god give me the strength to make it through the next 2 and a half months.
Another Issue
Me and dude I was talking to got into a bit of an argument yesterday. Basically he wanted me to come over and I didn't want to, I wanted to do something else and he wasn't accepting no for an answer and I wasnt going to tell him yes. Well his feelings were hurt I ended up bulshitting the time away and now I am thinking did I do the wrong thing. I don't know if it was him that I wanted but I do know I am feeling sepreation anxiety over the whole situation. Damn why can't a motherfucker have his cake and eat it too everyone else does. I am so fucking selfish right now it is not even funny. Should I call should I wait it out. Should I let him go if I am not sure if that is what I want to do. Well it looks like I may not have the chance to make that decision because he seems to be letting me go (Well I'll be damned.)
I hope I can get some sleep tonight, it may be a tylenol pm night.
My vacation is officially over and its time to go back to work. I am prepared but I just don't feel like going. I am trying to feel good about it but its not working. Oh god give me the strength to make it through the next 2 and a half months.
Another Issue
Me and dude I was talking to got into a bit of an argument yesterday. Basically he wanted me to come over and I didn't want to, I wanted to do something else and he wasn't accepting no for an answer and I wasnt going to tell him yes. Well his feelings were hurt I ended up bulshitting the time away and now I am thinking did I do the wrong thing. I don't know if it was him that I wanted but I do know I am feeling sepreation anxiety over the whole situation. Damn why can't a motherfucker have his cake and eat it too everyone else does. I am so fucking selfish right now it is not even funny. Should I call should I wait it out. Should I let him go if I am not sure if that is what I want to do. Well it looks like I may not have the chance to make that decision because he seems to be letting me go (Well I'll be damned.)
I hope I can get some sleep tonight, it may be a tylenol pm night.
Im going to Throw it Back for a minute
So my 28th birthday was on saturday
In honor of my birthday my mom had me and my brother (my twin ) over for dinner. Everything was great. I am getting used to all of these extra people that are becoming a part of our family. Namely my older brothers girlfreind/baby mama, her son, my new nephew and my other brother's girlfreind. On past occassions these people all made me nervous and made me think I never have anyone to bring home. Anyhow a pivitol moment in the whole day for me was looking at old pictures. I hadnt seen some of these pictures before. One of the pictures that stood out to me most was one of myself standing on the sidewalk near my moms old apartment. The picture was taken probably a few months after I had first started my locs. At the time I was about 21 and that picture took me way back. All I could do is think of who I was and how I felt at that moment.
Who was I at 21. Well I was a good 50-60 pounds more then I weigh now and it really showed. I never thought that was what I looked like. Seeing that picture made me want to cry . At that time I was so closed in and really kept myself away from the world. There was really no life in me . I was shy, I was to myself and I had no life. And on top of all that I was gay . Not only was I feeling like an outcast in the straight world because of my sexuality but in the gay world I would have also been an outcast because of my weight. What an ax to bear. I had no desire to even explore the gay world because all I would hear was no fats, when I saw adds. I was so sad and depressed at that time and all that was written all over my face in that picture.
I have come a long way. I didn't enter the gay world until I lost weight and even after losing so much there was still more to go because I felt I had to fit a certain image. Eventhough I have never gained back the weight I first lost I still struggle with a good 20 pounds. I have just entered a space where I feel as though I am not going to stress over those 20 pounds. I am not fat any longer. And I am also not going to measure myself by a standard that is not too attainable for me. My genetic make up makes it hard for me to be rail thin and cut up like the rest of the gay community but I am who I am and I am still hot to death.
Being closer to 30 is hot to death, I am really beginning not to care what people have to say or think. It is really making since these days .
In honor of my birthday my mom had me and my brother (my twin ) over for dinner. Everything was great. I am getting used to all of these extra people that are becoming a part of our family. Namely my older brothers girlfreind/baby mama, her son, my new nephew and my other brother's girlfreind. On past occassions these people all made me nervous and made me think I never have anyone to bring home. Anyhow a pivitol moment in the whole day for me was looking at old pictures. I hadnt seen some of these pictures before. One of the pictures that stood out to me most was one of myself standing on the sidewalk near my moms old apartment. The picture was taken probably a few months after I had first started my locs. At the time I was about 21 and that picture took me way back. All I could do is think of who I was and how I felt at that moment.
Who was I at 21. Well I was a good 50-60 pounds more then I weigh now and it really showed. I never thought that was what I looked like. Seeing that picture made me want to cry . At that time I was so closed in and really kept myself away from the world. There was really no life in me . I was shy, I was to myself and I had no life. And on top of all that I was gay . Not only was I feeling like an outcast in the straight world because of my sexuality but in the gay world I would have also been an outcast because of my weight. What an ax to bear. I had no desire to even explore the gay world because all I would hear was no fats, when I saw adds. I was so sad and depressed at that time and all that was written all over my face in that picture.
I have come a long way. I didn't enter the gay world until I lost weight and even after losing so much there was still more to go because I felt I had to fit a certain image. Eventhough I have never gained back the weight I first lost I still struggle with a good 20 pounds. I have just entered a space where I feel as though I am not going to stress over those 20 pounds. I am not fat any longer. And I am also not going to measure myself by a standard that is not too attainable for me. My genetic make up makes it hard for me to be rail thin and cut up like the rest of the gay community but I am who I am and I am still hot to death.
Being closer to 30 is hot to death, I am really beginning not to care what people have to say or think. It is really making since these days .
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Now what do i do
hmm
It has been so long since I 've gotten to more then just the first few introductory dates with a dude. I think the last time I consitently went out with some one and talked to them for more then a month must have been more then three years ago. Oooo shit , what has been going on with me. Any how I met this dude about six weeks ago and you know what I like him. But this is a different like, I like the person who he is; the whole package. Its not the same as others but that is where the problem lies. he isnt a pretty boy looks are not what draws me into him so does that mean I am not attracted, I don't know. My issue is now what do I do. After spending so much time, I feel like in a month or so's time the next step will be addressed. How will I tell him I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. I enjoy him alot but I also enjoy the freedom of being single right now. Damn I forgot how this felt I used to always have this problem when was it that it all stopped and why I am wondering (well I guess some where along the way I started telling people I don't want to be in a relationship.) I must say I feel like I am selling him a lemon; building it up to let him down and I don't even know how to get into the conversation so my views can be expressed properly. I don't want him to go yet.....
It has been so long since I 've gotten to more then just the first few introductory dates with a dude. I think the last time I consitently went out with some one and talked to them for more then a month must have been more then three years ago. Oooo shit , what has been going on with me. Any how I met this dude about six weeks ago and you know what I like him. But this is a different like, I like the person who he is; the whole package. Its not the same as others but that is where the problem lies. he isnt a pretty boy looks are not what draws me into him so does that mean I am not attracted, I don't know. My issue is now what do I do. After spending so much time, I feel like in a month or so's time the next step will be addressed. How will I tell him I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. I enjoy him alot but I also enjoy the freedom of being single right now. Damn I forgot how this felt I used to always have this problem when was it that it all stopped and why I am wondering (well I guess some where along the way I started telling people I don't want to be in a relationship.) I must say I feel like I am selling him a lemon; building it up to let him down and I don't even know how to get into the conversation so my views can be expressed properly. I don't want him to go yet.....
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Emergency room rant
Here I am again sitting in the emergency room. I am sick as hell and it is at times like this that I really realize how alone I am. Hell I came here by myself I'm going to leave by myself and this shit sucks. Why am I going through this, well in short because I put so many things before myself. I dont have a doctor haven't gotten a checkup in the new millenium. If i had a doctor I could have just gone to his office instead I sit here occassionally falling asleep thinking they called my name while I was knocked out. This place is gross there was blood on the floor in the bathroom (ill yuck nasty.) All I need is a doctor to write me a letter so that I can take a few more days off work because this stomach virus or whatever hasn't run its course.
It's so funny how all the things that cloud my time (like work and trying to find a date) take a backseat when I am throwing up everything I eat. Well I have been here for two hours so far , damn I should have told them I was having an asthma attack (well not a bad idea I wish I could wease on command then I would be all set)
It's so funny how all the things that cloud my time (like work and trying to find a date) take a backseat when I am throwing up everything I eat. Well I have been here for two hours so far , damn I should have told them I was having an asthma attack (well not a bad idea I wish I could wease on command then I would be all set)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Wedding , New Baby's and Funerals the gay perspective
These three things have been going on in my life lately. And i look at them so differently I think what do these major events look like in a gay man's life
Weddings
Hmmm a coworker of mine just got married a few months ago and i attended the wedding. It something about married folks i just cant relate to. Hell i have hardly even been in a long term relationship before. But I must admit Weddings kind of make me sad. I think will there ever be a time in my life when i can express my love in such a manner . In a way that every one is happy for me and everyone is happy for me every one that I care about.
New Babys
My brother is about to be a father again and this weekend that past I found myself at his baby shower. Boy did I feel out of my element. That sheer joy he had to be bringing this new life in the world looked great. I can't wait to see what my new nephew will look like. But will always being an uncle work for me. But on one hand there was some eye candy at the baby shower I was trying to watch my brother's friend all night he was chocolate sexy. yummy with those pants hanging way low I was trying to get a glimpse of his boxers but it wasn't happening.
Funerals
I heard a comedienne talk about how no one cares when a single person dies. And he had some rationale. Single people dont leave behind children or a distraught spouse. Your mother will cry but pretty much the world will pick up where it left off with out youwith alot less damage then when a family man dies. What about when a single gay man dies........
Weddings
Hmmm a coworker of mine just got married a few months ago and i attended the wedding. It something about married folks i just cant relate to. Hell i have hardly even been in a long term relationship before. But I must admit Weddings kind of make me sad. I think will there ever be a time in my life when i can express my love in such a manner . In a way that every one is happy for me and everyone is happy for me every one that I care about.
New Babys
My brother is about to be a father again and this weekend that past I found myself at his baby shower. Boy did I feel out of my element. That sheer joy he had to be bringing this new life in the world looked great. I can't wait to see what my new nephew will look like. But will always being an uncle work for me. But on one hand there was some eye candy at the baby shower I was trying to watch my brother's friend all night he was chocolate sexy. yummy with those pants hanging way low I was trying to get a glimpse of his boxers but it wasn't happening.
Funerals
I heard a comedienne talk about how no one cares when a single person dies. And he had some rationale. Single people dont leave behind children or a distraught spouse. Your mother will cry but pretty much the world will pick up where it left off with out youwith alot less damage then when a family man dies. What about when a single gay man dies........
Monday, January 29, 2007
Who is mike
Well I'm not sad to say this but this weekend was interesting. I went out and partied friday and saturday. I guess the most interesting part was I hooked up, yes again but it has been two weeks since the last time (I had to let my dick breathe for a minute) I guess in some aspect I have given up on my previous notion that I will wait and keep my life clean of jumping off in a means of only allowing potential suitors in my life. Well reality check its not happening. Anyhow the liquor turns me into a rockstar. And that rockstar side feels sexy and just does it up on some crazy shit. So I did hook up with a dude, a latin dude and damn was it hot . We didnt have sex because face it I dont do that but what we did do was hot . Not sure if I even came all I remember was waking up with him sleep on top of me. And I kept waking up and looking at his back and Mike was tatoed on it and all I could think was why the hell would some one tatoo mike on their back and I kept thinking im going to ask him who Mike is when we wake up. Well low and be hold it's a good thing that I didn't ask because he used my phone to check his messages and when I looked to see where he dialed...... he was Mike. Boy oh boy did I feel like ___________(fill in the blank).
Monday, January 15, 2007
Jump off rule #1 (I wrote this on the train.)
The occassional hook up. Hmm do people realize that there are actual rules. I mean I think I am a great catch but right now nothing is really throwing it's bait to me so I figure whats wrong with jumping off every now and then. I mean why even be in the lifestyle if you can not afford yourself that luxury. I mean to me jumping off is just some straight up let me get this shit out of my system right quick so I can go on with my day(for the record I don't have sex it's more like messing around.) As a result of the negative connotation involved I almost never do it but sometimes a brother needs to get off (sidebar: this boy sitting across from me is so hot he is nibbling on home girls neck yummy, I'm going to stop for a sec so I can admire.)( I'm back damn I could use some chocolate like that in my life but too young, that's I D checking young, shit I digress, I'm always getting distracted)
Jumping off yeah it amazes me the person I become after the climax. Sometimes I wish there was an eject button on my bed and in the middle cumming I could press it so when my senses return they are no longer there. Any how they never leave thats why I dont do it as much. Don't people realise when they stay to watch a t.v. show and get all comfortable they are breaking jump off rule #1 ( start puting on your clothes and shoes and hat and coat when its over. Don't get all relaxed I don't know you like that you are making me uncomfortable.) If I wanted to talk and get to know you we would have gone out to dinner or some corny shit like that.(damn this is a whorish sounding blog.) (I will get back to watching sexual chocolate over here, wow he is wearing yellow gold thats very brazen.)
Jumping off yeah it amazes me the person I become after the climax. Sometimes I wish there was an eject button on my bed and in the middle cumming I could press it so when my senses return they are no longer there. Any how they never leave thats why I dont do it as much. Don't people realise when they stay to watch a t.v. show and get all comfortable they are breaking jump off rule #1 ( start puting on your clothes and shoes and hat and coat when its over. Don't get all relaxed I don't know you like that you are making me uncomfortable.) If I wanted to talk and get to know you we would have gone out to dinner or some corny shit like that.(damn this is a whorish sounding blog.) (I will get back to watching sexual chocolate over here, wow he is wearing yellow gold thats very brazen.)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Oh Damn that was a good weekend
Wow it is already 2 weeks into 2007
And I keep on thinking back to the last weeknd of 06. I had so much fun . It was one of those weekends of clubbing. I went out to several clubs with my boy from detroit that was visiting and boy did we have fun. I am not sure that he had as much fun as I did but for a minute I was starting to feel like the old me.
Off and on I keep on reencountering the old me. The me that weighed a good 10 -20 more pounds then I do now, that would walk up to the flyest guy in a club and say whats up. Not only would I say whats up but I would dance with him and get his number. Those were the days when I wasflavor of the moment.
What took me out of flavor of the moment staus , millions of things. Mainly getting my feelings hurt. I could think back to the first few guys who hurt my feelings and damn that shit still stings today. I rememebr the one dude I used to call every single day at 9:01 and he never had time to chill and but always was up for some convo.Damn was he sexy, he had bad breathe but I let that slide. Any how when I relaized I was calling him all the time I decided to let him call me and well what happened next is he never called. And I was crushed. A month later I decided to go call him back and he gave a story about moving to connecticut. Maybe he really did maybe he didnt but how hard would it have been for him to tell me he just wasn't interested. well that put up a few bricks.
Then I met my ex a few months after that and he killed all thoughts of that dude but he to hurt my feelings when he made it very clear I wasnt worth his time. Or better yet I wasn't worth him putting some time into . Well that was some bricks and cement.
Then there was the dude I dated who I though was so fly only problem was he couldn't hold to a date, always cancelling . Truth be told he had a man which I found out way latter. But over the 5 hour phone calls I had really let him into my life and it hurt when I realised I was being played. brick brick brick brick
But two week ends ago I felt like me again, no I wasn't floating all over the club like I did back in the day but I didn't feel insecure. Something about getting your feelings hurt that it can kill your self confidence . After all these situations I began to be more obsessed with how I looked and I had no clue it would get worse. I faced so much rejection after that i began to feel as though I was busted. But im starting to feel like the old me again and the old me attracts a different type of people
damn that was a fun weekend even though it damn near wore me out with all that clubbing. I'm starting to realize though that you have to be in it to win it. I will meet no one staying at home doing nothing.
Sidebar: On New Years me and my boy stayed at a club for 7 hours I think that was a record. But man it also felt good to be around a friend, a good friend to bring in the New Years with.
And I keep on thinking back to the last weeknd of 06. I had so much fun . It was one of those weekends of clubbing. I went out to several clubs with my boy from detroit that was visiting and boy did we have fun. I am not sure that he had as much fun as I did but for a minute I was starting to feel like the old me.
Off and on I keep on reencountering the old me. The me that weighed a good 10 -20 more pounds then I do now, that would walk up to the flyest guy in a club and say whats up. Not only would I say whats up but I would dance with him and get his number. Those were the days when I wasflavor of the moment.
What took me out of flavor of the moment staus , millions of things. Mainly getting my feelings hurt. I could think back to the first few guys who hurt my feelings and damn that shit still stings today. I rememebr the one dude I used to call every single day at 9:01 and he never had time to chill and but always was up for some convo.Damn was he sexy, he had bad breathe but I let that slide. Any how when I relaized I was calling him all the time I decided to let him call me and well what happened next is he never called. And I was crushed. A month later I decided to go call him back and he gave a story about moving to connecticut. Maybe he really did maybe he didnt but how hard would it have been for him to tell me he just wasn't interested. well that put up a few bricks.
Then I met my ex a few months after that and he killed all thoughts of that dude but he to hurt my feelings when he made it very clear I wasnt worth his time. Or better yet I wasn't worth him putting some time into . Well that was some bricks and cement.
Then there was the dude I dated who I though was so fly only problem was he couldn't hold to a date, always cancelling . Truth be told he had a man which I found out way latter. But over the 5 hour phone calls I had really let him into my life and it hurt when I realised I was being played. brick brick brick brick
But two week ends ago I felt like me again, no I wasn't floating all over the club like I did back in the day but I didn't feel insecure. Something about getting your feelings hurt that it can kill your self confidence . After all these situations I began to be more obsessed with how I looked and I had no clue it would get worse. I faced so much rejection after that i began to feel as though I was busted. But im starting to feel like the old me again and the old me attracts a different type of people
damn that was a fun weekend even though it damn near wore me out with all that clubbing. I'm starting to realize though that you have to be in it to win it. I will meet no one staying at home doing nothing.
Sidebar: On New Years me and my boy stayed at a club for 7 hours I think that was a record. But man it also felt good to be around a friend, a good friend to bring in the New Years with.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
What 2007 means to me.
HMmm . I can't help but feel like I am awakening from a coma. I think for the last two years I have gone on extremely unhappy and turning like the wheels in a big machine. Although I can't place the unhappiness on one thing I think that I had to hit rock bottom before I picked myself up and started that introspection thing. Is 2007 a new beginning, no its a continuation. I started over a few months ago. So many things 2007 means to me. So many things I said was going to stop or change let me list some things and discuss.
1) 5 years of being single if I make it to the summer it will be 5 years that I have not had a significant other. There have been some opportunities I gave up on, but I have been single as a dollar bill for the most part. I still remember how he felt though , I still remember how when we made love how I felt all that tingly but I think to myself in hindsight was it real or all in my head because as I search for something new I look for something or some one that makes me feel like he did and all the things that have happened since then I have rarely felt it ( well I did twice in Atlanta but shit that was in Atlanta doesn't count.)
2) 2 years with out sexual intercourse (If I make it to July that is), hmmm well I don't know that that is all so accurate but I'm running with it. I have never turned down so much sex in my life what the hell am I thinking . well mainly I don't want any ones deceases or any ones wack sex. (side bar: later for all that I gotta fuck this year.)
3)My 5th year at my job .. When I started I said I would only do 5 years and I so feel like the Divine intervention in my life is telling me to move on so why should I fight, I am just going to go where he leads me and he is leading me somewhere else. I realised I can't change the world and sacrifice my own dreams at the same time its never going to work out in my favor.
4) I brought in the past 3 New Years with the same friend. The first New Years we did I was drunk and throwing up on a park bench ( not a good way to bring in the New Year). The second New Years I was at a wack ass party we left early. The third New Years was the worse , we went to a gay club that he brought his straight friend too who he didn't tell it was a gay club and dude was alright till the stripper started sucking his own dick lol. Anyhow he left me out in the cold to go hang at some White boy spot (I don't do white boy spots I did enough keg parties in College. I have earned the right to discriminate, believe me.) Any how this ex-friend has been at the top of my thoughts a lot lately. In the beginning, the ending of our friend ship didn't mean much to me but I definitely feel a void now . It's funny how money can kill a friendship. Well it wasn't money it was the way he disrespected me when the issue of money came into play. I can't be friends with him again, how do you forgive some one who doesn't apologize. Any how it's always weird when I see him out just like I did on New Years. I know we will never be friends again but I wonder is there some way to kill that tension shit that I feel when I see him because I don't need that . I know my money is gone and the lesson is learned I'd like to just erase the whole situation and not act as if we never knew each other.
5) I'm starting to pull myself together. I am returning to who I used to be . I am no longer walking around looking scruffy and unkept. I am ironing doing the laundry more often and making an attempt to keep my house together whether or not some one is coming to visit.
6) Getting to dating , well I realised i don't have time to be at every club doing that thing although I have met some people out there so I joined the gay myspace ( adam4adam) again. It is entertaining I just wish I could be as free as I used to be but I guess it will take a while to demolish all the bricks.
Happy New Years to me
I decided to have a new years resolution. It was to not buy into the insanity and to create my own happiness.
1) 5 years of being single if I make it to the summer it will be 5 years that I have not had a significant other. There have been some opportunities I gave up on, but I have been single as a dollar bill for the most part. I still remember how he felt though , I still remember how when we made love how I felt all that tingly but I think to myself in hindsight was it real or all in my head because as I search for something new I look for something or some one that makes me feel like he did and all the things that have happened since then I have rarely felt it ( well I did twice in Atlanta but shit that was in Atlanta doesn't count.)
2) 2 years with out sexual intercourse (If I make it to July that is), hmmm well I don't know that that is all so accurate but I'm running with it. I have never turned down so much sex in my life what the hell am I thinking . well mainly I don't want any ones deceases or any ones wack sex. (side bar: later for all that I gotta fuck this year.)
3)My 5th year at my job .. When I started I said I would only do 5 years and I so feel like the Divine intervention in my life is telling me to move on so why should I fight, I am just going to go where he leads me and he is leading me somewhere else. I realised I can't change the world and sacrifice my own dreams at the same time its never going to work out in my favor.
4) I brought in the past 3 New Years with the same friend. The first New Years we did I was drunk and throwing up on a park bench ( not a good way to bring in the New Year). The second New Years I was at a wack ass party we left early. The third New Years was the worse , we went to a gay club that he brought his straight friend too who he didn't tell it was a gay club and dude was alright till the stripper started sucking his own dick lol. Anyhow he left me out in the cold to go hang at some White boy spot (I don't do white boy spots I did enough keg parties in College. I have earned the right to discriminate, believe me.) Any how this ex-friend has been at the top of my thoughts a lot lately. In the beginning, the ending of our friend ship didn't mean much to me but I definitely feel a void now . It's funny how money can kill a friendship. Well it wasn't money it was the way he disrespected me when the issue of money came into play. I can't be friends with him again, how do you forgive some one who doesn't apologize. Any how it's always weird when I see him out just like I did on New Years. I know we will never be friends again but I wonder is there some way to kill that tension shit that I feel when I see him because I don't need that . I know my money is gone and the lesson is learned I'd like to just erase the whole situation and not act as if we never knew each other.
5) I'm starting to pull myself together. I am returning to who I used to be . I am no longer walking around looking scruffy and unkept. I am ironing doing the laundry more often and making an attempt to keep my house together whether or not some one is coming to visit.
6) Getting to dating , well I realised i don't have time to be at every club doing that thing although I have met some people out there so I joined the gay myspace ( adam4adam) again. It is entertaining I just wish I could be as free as I used to be but I guess it will take a while to demolish all the bricks.
Happy New Years to me
I decided to have a new years resolution. It was to not buy into the insanity and to create my own happiness.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I must like him
Hmmm
Well we were supposed to go out today but my dumb ass I got drunk last night and forgot to call and I slept through his calling me today. I left him a message about 3 hours ago and text him and all I am thinking right now is he is upset with me and doesnt want to call me back. Fuck, I must like him because I care. Damn I hope he calls I think we may be able to have something special one day as long as he takes sometime to understand how I work and that I am giving some effort in getting to know him I'm just bad at dating and getting to know some one. Tecnically I'm still in my teenage stages of the lifestyle. Damn I hope he calls.
Well we were supposed to go out today but my dumb ass I got drunk last night and forgot to call and I slept through his calling me today. I left him a message about 3 hours ago and text him and all I am thinking right now is he is upset with me and doesnt want to call me back. Fuck, I must like him because I care. Damn I hope he calls I think we may be able to have something special one day as long as he takes sometime to understand how I work and that I am giving some effort in getting to know him I'm just bad at dating and getting to know some one. Tecnically I'm still in my teenage stages of the lifestyle. Damn I hope he calls.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Is there something better out there
Hmmm
This I think is the main issues that has kept me single for going on 4 years now. So many times now I can look back at some good guys I let go by because I was looking for something better out there. If I had sat down for a minute and chilled with certain cats for a minute I would have realised I had better and what was out there may have looked better if I ever saw it but what looks great usually isn't to good for me.
I can always be one to say there is nothing out there but I can sit here and count numerous times when I had a good man standing in front of me just wanting to have some focus from me and I was blowing off spending time with him because I was in a search for something better. Usually I never met better and he eventually goes away and finds a boyfriend and we may become friends afterward and I am aptly informed on how great things are going while so called better is long gone and I realise the person I let go was better much better then what was out there. So if their is anyone to blame for my long standing single hood it is me. Then again I guess it's a learning process. If I hadn't loss out so often would I really know what to want right now.
This I think is the main issues that has kept me single for going on 4 years now. So many times now I can look back at some good guys I let go by because I was looking for something better out there. If I had sat down for a minute and chilled with certain cats for a minute I would have realised I had better and what was out there may have looked better if I ever saw it but what looks great usually isn't to good for me.
I can always be one to say there is nothing out there but I can sit here and count numerous times when I had a good man standing in front of me just wanting to have some focus from me and I was blowing off spending time with him because I was in a search for something better. Usually I never met better and he eventually goes away and finds a boyfriend and we may become friends afterward and I am aptly informed on how great things are going while so called better is long gone and I realise the person I let go was better much better then what was out there. So if their is anyone to blame for my long standing single hood it is me. Then again I guess it's a learning process. If I hadn't loss out so often would I really know what to want right now.
Friday, November 10, 2006
A Date with my DVR
Hmmm well lately I have been trying to date and dating is some real shit up in NYC. I mean I went on two dates this week. The first one was with a dude I met in the summer whom I just am going on the second date with in November, hmm go figure. Any how it was an at home date and I must be honest it was an experience. It opened my mind up to some new realities. One is I don't like freaks . I will admit it I am an anti-freak. The things they do are nasty and nasty is how people catch diseases and some shit is just unsanitary, ilk I wont do it, not interested. I will be first in line for the test trials for the body condom (I hope that the only wholes in it are for the nostrils.) Anyway another reality was I really realize how I don't like to be touched illlll I wanted to punch dude in the face because I told him to stop and he wouldn't motherfucker stop. Stop means stop you don't have the right to rape my skin.
Date number 2 hmmm met him after work he was aight. I don't know that I feel tingly, the tingly factor is on 0. When I met him though the tingly was off the chain but I had had a few drinks in me and there was some close dancing and a different look. People look so different in the day light and in work clothes.Plus he had on a trench coat and that always makes me think that the person is a part time flasher. But he is a nice dude and maybe the tingly will return. Only problem is he is friends with one of my Arch Nemisi but whatever we will see. Shit why does it make a difference we hardly know each other.
Anyhow the best date I had this week was with my dvr. I am feeling so Miranda Hobbs right now but I just love my dvr and don't know how I got along with out it. It only lets me down every now and then ( when a show leaks over past the record time and I don't get the ending or to see what is going to happen the next week.) My DVR dates usually include some of my favorites The Office , Earl, Oprah, Ugly Betty, Cheaters and the list goes on. My Dvr even gives me the tinglys sober , the black dude on 6 degrees yummy ( looks like the show will probably be canceled but I like it a lot)
Date number 2 hmmm met him after work he was aight. I don't know that I feel tingly, the tingly factor is on 0. When I met him though the tingly was off the chain but I had had a few drinks in me and there was some close dancing and a different look. People look so different in the day light and in work clothes.Plus he had on a trench coat and that always makes me think that the person is a part time flasher. But he is a nice dude and maybe the tingly will return. Only problem is he is friends with one of my Arch Nemisi but whatever we will see. Shit why does it make a difference we hardly know each other.
Anyhow the best date I had this week was with my dvr. I am feeling so Miranda Hobbs right now but I just love my dvr and don't know how I got along with out it. It only lets me down every now and then ( when a show leaks over past the record time and I don't get the ending or to see what is going to happen the next week.) My DVR dates usually include some of my favorites The Office , Earl, Oprah, Ugly Betty, Cheaters and the list goes on. My Dvr even gives me the tinglys sober , the black dude on 6 degrees yummy ( looks like the show will probably be canceled but I like it a lot)
Monday, October 16, 2006
What makes me smile
The past month has been crazy hectic but I cant say I have been upset . I am doing a job assignment I wouldnt have chosen. I am almost never on top of things but im far from giving up I feel somewhere that I will get on top of things. Anyhow I have been lately trying to steer away from the negative and I'm just going to take a moment to list the things that make me smile because sometimes I forget that if I want to be happy all I have to do is smile and make myself happy.
(in no particular order)
1) listening to music
2) a good conversation with a close freind where you dont want it to end it but have to because the conventions of time are forcing you to.
3) Sipping on coffee collecting my thoughts at 6 soemthing in the morning.
4) My students (seeing that light bulb go off, making them smile, knowing that they know I care )
5) Going out by myself. With out all the drama and shadiness. I like the times when I lose that whole insecure bubble and could care less how many eyes are on me or not.
6) S.O.B.S. ( I love that spot especially sol village it inspires me once a month and keeps me dreaming that one day I will actually find myself on a stage again living the dream.)
7) Waking up to a good gospel song one that is so good that it makes me sing in the groggy voice and I am not a morning person so thats alot.
8) Going out to manhattan alone with no particular thing to do but enjoy the city.
9) Indian Food
10) Soul Food
11) Looking up Stupid shit on myspace like people who I went to high school with you. Its funny how that girl that used to sit behind me in math has such huge ass titties now damn that shit was bugging me out. And to see all the people who looked better in HS then they do now 10 years later , I'm soo glad thats not me, its definently the other way around.
(in no particular order)
1) listening to music
2) a good conversation with a close freind where you dont want it to end it but have to because the conventions of time are forcing you to.
3) Sipping on coffee collecting my thoughts at 6 soemthing in the morning.
4) My students (seeing that light bulb go off, making them smile, knowing that they know I care )
5) Going out by myself. With out all the drama and shadiness. I like the times when I lose that whole insecure bubble and could care less how many eyes are on me or not.
6) S.O.B.S. ( I love that spot especially sol village it inspires me once a month and keeps me dreaming that one day I will actually find myself on a stage again living the dream.)
7) Waking up to a good gospel song one that is so good that it makes me sing in the groggy voice and I am not a morning person so thats alot.
8) Going out to manhattan alone with no particular thing to do but enjoy the city.
9) Indian Food
10) Soul Food
11) Looking up Stupid shit on myspace like people who I went to high school with you. Its funny how that girl that used to sit behind me in math has such huge ass titties now damn that shit was bugging me out. And to see all the people who looked better in HS then they do now 10 years later , I'm soo glad thats not me, its definently the other way around.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Abolish the "N" word
Hmmm (I'm making a non love and relationship type post hold your breath)
I can't say how passionate I am about this word being taken from the mouth of people in general. As African-Americans we have allowed ourselves to really buy into one of the oldest tricks in the book. Our minds have been so brainwashed and trained that we believe that we can turn one of the most hurtful terms in our existence into a term of endearment. After visiting the abolish the n word website (www.abolishthenword.com) a few months ago I was totally changed. I remember how it would sting my ears when I heard a non-black person using this word as a term of endearment. When I was in college I spent so much time schooling white Minnesota mofos. In some cases people don't mean much by it but the word being said in my presence stings my ears . I have been teaching for 5 years now and have been teaching my students how ignorant it sounds, at the end of the day I get them to not say it around me but when they go home and hear it 24/7 my explanation as to why not to say it falls on deaf ears.
Black brothers and sister is it so serious. Is it such a necessity to use this harmful word. Is it necessary to disrespect the lineage from which you come to just be able to use a word. I don't even accept the Chris Rock usage of the word ( there are black people and N*****). I call ignorant people what they are which is ignorant I do not call them the name that whitey used to sell us on the auction block, or the name whitey called us when he was burning us as we hung from a tree choking with our genitals stuffed in our mouths while the whole town watched this heartless and inhumane spectacle. So remember every time you say the word you are tying the nuse around your own ignorant ass neck and doing just what whitey wants us to do and that's buy into the way he has decided we should see ourselves. He doesn't have to call us ignorant we call ourselves ignorant everyday in such an endearing way.
I can't say how passionate I am about this word being taken from the mouth of people in general. As African-Americans we have allowed ourselves to really buy into one of the oldest tricks in the book. Our minds have been so brainwashed and trained that we believe that we can turn one of the most hurtful terms in our existence into a term of endearment. After visiting the abolish the n word website (www.abolishthenword.com) a few months ago I was totally changed. I remember how it would sting my ears when I heard a non-black person using this word as a term of endearment. When I was in college I spent so much time schooling white Minnesota mofos. In some cases people don't mean much by it but the word being said in my presence stings my ears . I have been teaching for 5 years now and have been teaching my students how ignorant it sounds, at the end of the day I get them to not say it around me but when they go home and hear it 24/7 my explanation as to why not to say it falls on deaf ears.
Black brothers and sister is it so serious. Is it such a necessity to use this harmful word. Is it necessary to disrespect the lineage from which you come to just be able to use a word. I don't even accept the Chris Rock usage of the word ( there are black people and N*****). I call ignorant people what they are which is ignorant I do not call them the name that whitey used to sell us on the auction block, or the name whitey called us when he was burning us as we hung from a tree choking with our genitals stuffed in our mouths while the whole town watched this heartless and inhumane spectacle. So remember every time you say the word you are tying the nuse around your own ignorant ass neck and doing just what whitey wants us to do and that's buy into the way he has decided we should see ourselves. He doesn't have to call us ignorant we call ourselves ignorant everyday in such an endearing way.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Atl Black Gay pride
Wow what a way to end the summer I'll run it down day by day
Friday..
Rushed out of work after a long ass stressful day jumped on the plane , had a little cough but I was like fuck won't let that affect the fun. Got to the atl and something about being in atl always calms me , well I guess something about being anywhere that's not NYC that calms me. Anyhow we got in town mad late so we literally got to the hotel showered and headed off to the club . We made sure we got passes to all the lions den shit and we stayed in there host hotel which was hot. The club that night hmmm was a little weak but the fun was had when we got back to the hotel and in the let out of 708. I saw this dude I'm feeling in atl who I affectionately consider my atl boyfriend (although he is not my b.f. or any way near being my b.f.). After chilling in the let out we headed back to the hotel. In my flirtatious mode I started talking to this dude in the hallway he was cute he told us to come back to his room and we did out of sheer curiosity. Before we knocked on the door we heard some strange voices and accents and such anyhow I knocked anyway and they let us in. Come to find out they were Ethiopian, never met an Ethiopian before and here I was sitting with 4 gay Ethiopians . The ring leader who I met in the hall was quite funny and ready , he kept turning out the lights but we wasn't trying to get down with that but they were very interesting.
Saturday.....
Woke up late but we headed out hit upthe mall and the pool party where I was to find my LA boyfriend (not my bf at all but we like each other and had a beautiful time when we met in Chicago about a year ago). The issue we had at that moment was hmmm he is crazy about me and I was not feeling the same about him a year later he still gives me a little bit of the tingleys, but he needs to put a filter on his mouth. I hate when people haven't learned that there are things you say and don't say. Any how with both dudes there I knew at some point I would have to choose one or the other to chill with because the itinerary in atl left little time to chill with both . So the club that night was at the convention center which was huge and dudes really wasn't vibing much due to all that space. Every one was in their little click doing there own thing but it was cool I enjoyed chilling with my friends . At some point during this day we had picked up a hanger on in the hotel. Basically I had seen him the night before and he noticed me showing my boy his ass so we started talking and he came to visit our room on Saturday and just wouldn't leave he went with us to the club and even spent the night in the hotel with us because his boy was getting busy in his room. Anyhow best believe I squeezed the booty but nothing too serious went down plus when he left. I was like its all good wont be seeing him anymore he wore out his welcome but he was a youngin and I guess his peoples was wack or whatever.
Sunday.......
Began to realize this shit is about to be over and started getting sad but I met up with one of my boys from NYC and my boy I was there with and we had so much fun that day at Piedmont park. The club that night was cool, funny how many NYC people I saw out there. Saw LA boyfriend there he was still talking the same ol bullshit , he basically wanted me to ditch my people and ride off into the sunset with him and I couldn't do that I'm not that type of person . The difference was atl boyfriend understood that. LA boyfriend was really losing me and in a way he was calling a me a slut on the sly and I wasn't feeling that and pretty much the negative energy got him the cut ( any negative mofos in my life they get the cut with the quickness now adays don't want it don't need it.)
Monday...
It was time to leave but before I left I spent time with my atl boyfriend ahhhhh how sweet we went out to lunch and we vibe well . I think I want to move to atl if not for good then just for a few years . Not for dude though but just because I need a change of pace so I guess I will spend the next few months trying to figure that out.
General observations.....
So much ass, I mean everyone's ass was out it was like booty city it was great, I renamed the city Asslanta.
whuts up with that cheerleading step team thing that they do in atl , what's that whole scene about ?
I was wondering is there a way to chill with your entourage and still look like you are available because the entourage turns so many people away.
what's the purpose of pride celebrations?
I will say that what I get out of it is like its this one weekend where I can be out of the city and away and feel like its ok to be me and at the same time see other people like me. I get off on seeing the variety and the similarities that let me know while on my day to day I feel alone but in reality there are more like me out there. I know some people do prides to hook up and bust as many nuts as possible but I'm not on that kick I don't need to go away to bust random nuts.
Friday..
Rushed out of work after a long ass stressful day jumped on the plane , had a little cough but I was like fuck won't let that affect the fun. Got to the atl and something about being in atl always calms me , well I guess something about being anywhere that's not NYC that calms me. Anyhow we got in town mad late so we literally got to the hotel showered and headed off to the club . We made sure we got passes to all the lions den shit and we stayed in there host hotel which was hot. The club that night hmmm was a little weak but the fun was had when we got back to the hotel and in the let out of 708. I saw this dude I'm feeling in atl who I affectionately consider my atl boyfriend (although he is not my b.f. or any way near being my b.f.). After chilling in the let out we headed back to the hotel. In my flirtatious mode I started talking to this dude in the hallway he was cute he told us to come back to his room and we did out of sheer curiosity. Before we knocked on the door we heard some strange voices and accents and such anyhow I knocked anyway and they let us in. Come to find out they were Ethiopian, never met an Ethiopian before and here I was sitting with 4 gay Ethiopians . The ring leader who I met in the hall was quite funny and ready , he kept turning out the lights but we wasn't trying to get down with that but they were very interesting.
Saturday.....
Woke up late but we headed out hit upthe mall and the pool party where I was to find my LA boyfriend (not my bf at all but we like each other and had a beautiful time when we met in Chicago about a year ago). The issue we had at that moment was hmmm he is crazy about me and I was not feeling the same about him a year later he still gives me a little bit of the tingleys, but he needs to put a filter on his mouth. I hate when people haven't learned that there are things you say and don't say. Any how with both dudes there I knew at some point I would have to choose one or the other to chill with because the itinerary in atl left little time to chill with both . So the club that night was at the convention center which was huge and dudes really wasn't vibing much due to all that space. Every one was in their little click doing there own thing but it was cool I enjoyed chilling with my friends . At some point during this day we had picked up a hanger on in the hotel. Basically I had seen him the night before and he noticed me showing my boy his ass so we started talking and he came to visit our room on Saturday and just wouldn't leave he went with us to the club and even spent the night in the hotel with us because his boy was getting busy in his room. Anyhow best believe I squeezed the booty but nothing too serious went down plus when he left. I was like its all good wont be seeing him anymore he wore out his welcome but he was a youngin and I guess his peoples was wack or whatever.
Sunday.......
Began to realize this shit is about to be over and started getting sad but I met up with one of my boys from NYC and my boy I was there with and we had so much fun that day at Piedmont park. The club that night was cool, funny how many NYC people I saw out there. Saw LA boyfriend there he was still talking the same ol bullshit , he basically wanted me to ditch my people and ride off into the sunset with him and I couldn't do that I'm not that type of person . The difference was atl boyfriend understood that. LA boyfriend was really losing me and in a way he was calling a me a slut on the sly and I wasn't feeling that and pretty much the negative energy got him the cut ( any negative mofos in my life they get the cut with the quickness now adays don't want it don't need it.)
Monday...
It was time to leave but before I left I spent time with my atl boyfriend ahhhhh how sweet we went out to lunch and we vibe well . I think I want to move to atl if not for good then just for a few years . Not for dude though but just because I need a change of pace so I guess I will spend the next few months trying to figure that out.
General observations.....
So much ass, I mean everyone's ass was out it was like booty city it was great, I renamed the city Asslanta.
whuts up with that cheerleading step team thing that they do in atl , what's that whole scene about ?
I was wondering is there a way to chill with your entourage and still look like you are available because the entourage turns so many people away.
what's the purpose of pride celebrations?
I will say that what I get out of it is like its this one weekend where I can be out of the city and away and feel like its ok to be me and at the same time see other people like me. I get off on seeing the variety and the similarities that let me know while on my day to day I feel alone but in reality there are more like me out there. I know some people do prides to hook up and bust as many nuts as possible but I'm not on that kick I don't need to go away to bust random nuts.
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