What 2007 means to me.

HMmm . I can't help but feel like I am awakening from a coma. I think for the last two years I have gone on extremely unhappy and turning like the wheels in a big machine. Although I can't place the unhappiness on one thing I think that I had to hit rock bottom before I picked myself up and started that introspection thing. Is 2007 a new beginning, no its a continuation. I started over a few months ago. So many things 2007 means to me. So many things I said was going to stop or change let me list some things and discuss.


1) 5 years of being single if I make it to the summer it will be 5 years that I have not had a significant other. There have been some opportunities I gave up on, but I have been single as a dollar bill for the most part. I still remember how he felt though , I still remember how when we made love how I felt all that tingly but I think to myself in hindsight was it real or all in my head because as I search for something new I look for something or some one that makes me feel like he did and all the things that have happened since then I have rarely felt it ( well I did twice in Atlanta but shit that was in Atlanta doesn't count.)

2) 2 years with out sexual intercourse (If I make it to July that is), hmmm well I don't know that that is all so accurate but I'm running with it. I have never turned down so much sex in my life what the hell am I thinking . well mainly I don't want any ones deceases or any ones wack sex. (side bar: later for all that I gotta fuck this year.)

3)My 5th year at my job .. When I started I said I would only do 5 years and I so feel like the Divine intervention in my life is telling me to move on so why should I fight, I am just going to go where he leads me and he is leading me somewhere else. I realised I can't change the world and sacrifice my own dreams at the same time its never going to work out in my favor.

4) I brought in the past 3 New Years with the same friend. The first New Years we did I was drunk and throwing up on a park bench ( not a good way to bring in the New Year). The second New Years I was at a wack ass party we left early. The third New Years was the worse , we went to a gay club that he brought his straight friend too who he didn't tell it was a gay club and dude was alright till the stripper started sucking his own dick lol. Anyhow he left me out in the cold to go hang at some White boy spot (I don't do white boy spots I did enough keg parties in College. I have earned the right to discriminate, believe me.) Any how this ex-friend has been at the top of my thoughts a lot lately. In the beginning, the ending of our friend ship didn't mean much to me but I definitely feel a void now . It's funny how money can kill a friendship. Well it wasn't money it was the way he disrespected me when the issue of money came into play. I can't be friends with him again, how do you forgive some one who doesn't apologize. Any how it's always weird when I see him out just like I did on New Years. I know we will never be friends again but I wonder is there some way to kill that tension shit that I feel when I see him because I don't need that . I know my money is gone and the lesson is learned I'd like to just erase the whole situation and not act as if we never knew each other.

5) I'm starting to pull myself together. I am returning to who I used to be . I am no longer walking around looking scruffy and unkept. I am ironing doing the laundry more often and making an attempt to keep my house together whether or not some one is coming to visit.

6) Getting to dating , well I realised i don't have time to be at every club doing that thing although I have met some people out there so I joined the gay myspace ( adam4adam) again. It is entertaining I just wish I could be as free as I used to be but I guess it will take a while to demolish all the bricks.

Happy New Years to me


I decided to have a new years resolution. It was to not buy into the insanity and to create my own happiness.