The former love of my life

I dont know if anyone can relate to this but do you have a guy that you was just in love with back in the day. Like a dude that was your road dog that you just loved to death. Maybe it was just me but I am thinking back to this guy that was my friend, we will call him Bajan. I remember the first time I saw Bajan, when I first got to college, I was a mere 18 (oh shit that was 10 years ago). When I first saw him I had been in boston for about 3 days. I think I saw him walking down the street coming out of the dorms and my heart skipped a beat. He was about 5' 7" with dreds, slender, nice jaw line and just fine as fuck, at that time I had decided "this is the finest dude I have ever seen." Through the grapevine I had heard that he was from new york ( oh yes we have something in common) and then I heard he was roomates with my boy I had went to high school with so it was inevitable we would mingle in the same circles.

Anyhow before I went off to the school I made it my business to be in contact with the on campus black association so I was in attendance for the first meeting and there he was. Yes, I had checked him out from a distance for a few days and even from a distance the man made me tingley . I mean damn I had had a crush before but this was beyond that. Anyway the meeting went on and at the end it was my chance to introduce myself. I went over to him and another dude who would become my roomate the next semester. And I said whats up and I fumbled like a motherfucker actually I stuttered so much so that they asked me to repeat myself (this is so funny how vividly I remember this)

Well from that day on we was road dogs, he, I and the guy who would later be my roomate. I remember how we would talk late at night and he would be talking about some girl who hurt his feelings and I would just want to say "fuck them bitches kick it with me, let me kiss your shinny lips". But at the end of the day I always felt he was gay. I always felt like he felt for me like I felt for him. He was always so happy to see me , he always wanted to hang out and for a good 2 years or so he was the love of my life. I had no interest in trying to meet anyone I had him . Anyhow for a hetero he hardly never was trying to kick it to a woman and he was just too cute to be single like that .

In our third year of school I had decided that our relationship wasn't healthy for me. How long was I going to pine away, so I actively decided to distance myself from him . I stopped calling as much and he was datting this girl who was cool peoples and I had finally kind of gotton over him but occassionally we still had our long talks.

The last thing I remember of significance between us was right before graduation, I had come back to boston for a week (I spent the semster in NYC doing an internship). I didn't call him untill I had already been in town for 2 days he proceeded to tell me " so you was going to be in town and I wasn't going to get to see you" (Huh? what? are we a couple or something?) Then for the whole time I was in Boston, 5 more days he refused to answer any of my phone calls (aw damn my baby was hurt). I really felt like I had fucked up but I also felt like I had finally got the confirmation I needed. Any we got to graduation I saw him there, we didn't really discuss what happened earlier I was happy to see him he was happy to see me. And from what I rememebr that was really the last we saw of each other.

The last time we spoke he called me up about 4 years ago out of the blue and we had made plans to meet up which fell through . When I entered the lifestyle more I kind of let that side of my life fade away but I want it back I want to see what has become of him. Today I decided to look him up on myspace, yes he has an account hasn't been used since february, a blank page with nothing on it . I looked him up on aol and yes there was a picture in his profile , damn it was nice to see him , or what he looks like now. I want to make an attempt to get back in contact with him but im scarrred. I wonder if he ever thinks about me , well I think im going to send him an email , I hope he responds , I wish I could find his damn number but who keeps a number for all those years . I wonder if he still gives off that gay vibe . Im going to find him I will keep you all posted.