Summer Funk

Im starting to feel like me again. The lesson learned in this summer is im going to fall down , im going to lose it, im going to have moments of depression and I will recover from them but I will have them again. Its like we fall down but we get up and adding, we will fall down again and again but we have to keep getting up.
Being home all this time forced me to think about some shit. the main thing is i have to start this year all over again as if today is new years. If shit isnt working out there is nothing wrong with starting all over again. I and many others often wait for a moment to symbolize something. Alll year while I was working I was waiting for the summer to come before I would write some songs, take guitar lesson again, get a drivers license, tone up pshh pshh pshh thats bullshit . For all i know a car could have run me over between then and now (knock on wood). i have to live in the moment from this point on.

Another thing that crippled me this summer was anger. I was on the angry blackman world tour this summer. I was extremely upset about work, my ex-freinds/new enemies, money issues, dating life, evrything. And my mother's words are making all the more since now. She always says "while you are sitting here angry and cant sleep the people who have done you wrong are having nice peaceful rest not thinking one minute about you"

Well things are turning around....

My music :I went to see the sugar water festival (jill Scott , erykah badu and queen latifah) this weekend and damnit if those women didnt inpire me!!!
At the end of the day i have to keep it real on this one issue. The whole music thing has been on hold mainly because I am scared. Scared that my music will go somewhere and be destroyed because of the life I have lead in regardss to my sexuality. I dont think I have to phone in and tell everyone about it but people talk. When I saw those girls performing this weekend , I relaized they were all in thier own right a break from the norm, I felt inspired. I came right home that night and wrote a song. I think that sometimes its not about who you are or percieved to be but its about how you handle peoples reaction to you. Whatever, I cant fail if I dont try so I have to at least try. and oh yeah this is the first time i have finished a song in six years, now it seems like my 100 thousand dollar education may have been worth it after all .

Being angry at freinds :I cant be angry at these ex freinds anymore and I also dont have time for enemies. If I rely on some faith I know that they will one day come to thier sinces and unfortunatley I will be long gone but whatever .

Dating: I have definently lost my groove in that area. Cant even say i know how to do it anymore and furthermore who would want to mess with an angry blackman, I know I wouldnt. So i figure once I figure me out which im starting to do and get me in line I will draw the right people to me like I used to be able to do years ago.

Work: I have to ditch that sinking ship . I love my kids (im a teacher) and my community but the beauracracy and the politics have won. i am also tired of having to compromise whop i am and constantly fighting a culture of disrespect.This will be my 5th and last year at the school I work at . so many options are available to me i have to just pick one and make it the right decision. If i didnt need acheck to pay my bills I would quit now but a brother got debt. Interesting thing though , when things consistently dont work out i think its kind of devine intervention telling me i need to move on and its not for me and i really dont remember much that has worked out in my job in the past three years,

well all that being said
Happy New years ( being said in the loudest, most festive bronx puerto rican voice)