What about your friends

I hear when you get closer to thirty you start to care less about what others think. And I had some evil spirits around me. The two friends I lost were people I talked to on a daily basis. One was a self centered DL wanna be who didn't know his ass from his elbow. His confusion and adamant professions of "I am not gay" were classic but for a person who was sure of themselves like me I always felt a twinge of judgment in that. In him being so against who he was he was also saying that being that was probably the worse then on earth and so if I know I am gay what does that make me. In the end I believe his decision to distance himself from me was based on his need to validate his DL lifestyle and instead of me questioning his decision I did something that would work better for me, I let him go. Grown folks can make their own decisions no matter how fucked up they may be I was there for him through it all. I always had his back but when I needed friends around the time of my grandmothers death and all the issues I went through around spring time he was no where to be found but the people who have been rolling with me from day one were and they know what's up.

My other ex friend we had a serious falling out after going away on vacation together. I admit this was maybe and opportunity for us to really get to know each other eventhough he did call me his best friend back then. The trip was interesting I definately did wild out I will admit that got white boy drunk and did some crazy shit but hell that's what you do on vacation. Anyhow I also didn't want to jump up and do everything he wanted to do , there was definately a tug of war between the two of us. Even the fact that I take naps became an issue. I'm not 21 anymore and he still seems to be stuck in keg party, corny ass "hey bro" black/whiteboy mode. Any way I also felt that evil judgment coming form him that is common between us black gay males. I remember trying to pick and outfit one night and he basically told me nothing in my suitcase was suitable. I am not about that , no labels, not a fashion whore and I think I look better sometimes when I keep it simple. Anyhow the whole incident hurt my feelings. On top of that were the weight comments. Now I am not fat, but when you hang with these skinny anorexic bitches who have six pack and ask you if they look fat they can be problematic. Anyhow he told me one night after I was white boy drunk that I look so bloated and I was like wtf are we women, I mean, I was thinking what kind of men have this kind of discussion . And besides that he seemed to never need to eat and the fact that I needed at least 2 meals a day was a problem. Well couldn't wait for the vacation to end and our friendship ended over financial issues. We don't even say hello to one another anymore (that may be mainly my fault because when I am really mad a people I say nothing to avoid blowing up on them and making a scene because I have a crazy side and that's the best way I can keep it in check.) But I'm happy he is gone he was so negative always telling what I needed to fix or change and sadly enough I went with some of these things thinking they were for the better but what was for the better was for me to be me. He is gone and I don't miss him , I miss my other friend a little but he's grown. I think they will both realize what they lost one day but I doubt I will be open to rekindle our friendship. A part of me getting out of my fuck this summer was getting over that.