In small doses please

In college a friend of mine and I had this philosophy about small doses. It was our personal oppinions that there were some people in your life that are friends but you can only stand them in small doses. You may love them to death but they have a limit. Well truth be told you love them but from a distance. They are nice people but they have soething about there personality that irritates you till no end but it takes sometime for it to hit you.

Well guys my only gay friend here in NYC is some one I like only in small doses. He is the only friend I have like that everyone else I can see when ever but him once I have been around him past 6 consecutive hours or so I'm already gathering my things for an abrupt depparture.In the past year I would say that we have gotten alot closser since most of my gay freinds here have moved away or been cut off.

He and I have travelled before . I rememebr the first time we traveled to Chicago and he and my good freind Detroit were bumping heads rediculously. Actually Small doses and I were bumping heads also . I was almost sure when we made it back to NYC we would never be friends again. He was just freeaking obnoxious, going out of his way to be an asshole to some one he didnt even know. After that trip I vowed never to bring him around another one of my friends again . I really felt responsible for him almost ruing Detroit's time. Any how we traveled together again after that and well he always was consistent as far as annoying the hell out of me. And I would always ditch him for hours on trips. Then I just said fuck it dont need to do that anymore. I mean If we were locked up in jail cell together I swear it would take me only a few days before I shanked him. So if I feel so passionately on how annoying this person is to me why still be friends.

I think sometimes my opinion on friends and relationships is weird. I must be honest, the way I grew up plays alot into it. Growing up I had a daddy that just up and one day decided he didnt want to be bothered with me anymore. To me thats worse then having the whole "I never met my father " situation. Outside of that we moved around alot so I started new school maybe three times in my younger life and I was a fat kid so it was always hard for me to make new friends. Sometimes when I did make friends they always would play me out when they were vying for the cool kids attention. So yeah I have some serious abandonment and detachment issues. I also dont always hold my friends to the high standard they should have to be held to. If my friends fuck up and prove themselves to not be on my level they should be cut off.

Back to small doses.... So He recently wanted to stay at my apartment for the weekend. I thought to myself oh no I dont know if I can take that it would be too long and my weekends are like gold . The past few weekends have been all about resting and relaxing I am so tired I sleep 10 hours on saturday and sunday and I love it I'm beginning to think sleep is almost as good as Absolut( ooh that sounds alcoholic). Now the past few weeks he has been asking to come over to my place to take a shower because his water went cold( huh, what, when my water goes cold I just hop my humble ass in the shower and deal with it or if its too cold I white boy shower it and call it a day). Each time he has asked I just basically become really inconsistent and don't respond. I know if he comes to take a shower he will spend the night and thats way past my 6 hour limit. So when he asked about the weekend I just never responded. He then sent me a text the next day saying thanks for not responding and I haven't responded since.

It's been a week now and I must say I dont miss him at all . If anything he always got more out of our friendship then I did. I would book the trip for us, I would let him come shower here, I would read his papers for school, I would give him that 30 bucks so he could make it till pay day, I would even buy him a drink at the club and what did I ever get out of it. Even when I gave him money I had to ask for it back and thats not a freind, if you owe me money you need to give it back to me I shouldn't have to aks you for it. If you are a freinds and I help you out be thankful find ways to reciprocate even though I may not need something from you, isn't that the way friendships work small doses or not.

So will I call, I dont know . I bet he is pissed off at me but in all honesty he has no right to be. Even though I like him only in small doses I feel as though I like him even better in no doses, but I dont want another enemy why can't I end things with friends and lovers amicably.