A double minority

I spent the past weekend in the DC area and while it was a fun weeekend somewhat the thing that stuck out in my mind from this weeekend was an extreme act of ugliness. On my way to meet up with a friend I had to take them metro. While wating in my transfer station I sat down on a bench and put my duffle bag on the bench. The platform was almost empty . The thing is ulike in new york these benches are in an enclosed space it has a glass covering and you go in and out on one side. So I was chilling, just in a relaxed mode. A white woman and her husband or friend came close to where I was sitting . She was talking to him and I began to get a bit of their conversation. I heard her say "Oh I don't like to sit on the end of the bench" fine I thought , whatever I mean on the end you are kind of blocked in . Then as she walked away she dropped the bomb "Well he has commandeered the whole bench , he's black you know how they are. " Fire..... It was as if fire were rising from my head. I dont rememebr the last time I felt that anger, wait, no I do . Actually every moment in my life that I have felt the sting of racism I can rememebr the place the time of day and the feeling in the air. The moment this happened I was so stunned I was almost silenced. My humble black concious self didnt know what to say because truth be told I was hurt. This lady was a fat old white blob and she had hurt my feelings beyond hurt. The sting of racism is not one where you can say well whatever I am still fly. In the moment when some one is judging you based on something you really can't change or better yet something you would never want to change , something you wake up and thank god for every day it hurts.

The sting of racism is something interesting to me because I can always remember my stepfather telling me " no matter how much you may make of yourself some people in this world will still consider you a nigger." So all the things I stand on, a good vocabullary, a good education, a good job , a bachellors degree, a masters degree, no illigitimate kids etc. it doesnt mean shit to a person who sees you as an ignorant animal .

So what did I say, I trully cant remember. I know I started off with "excuse me are you talking to me" then it went into "well you can go sit your fat ass some where else you racist bitch." But it all fell on deaf ears for I was not even worthy of a responce and she acted as if I didnt even exist. Which burned me up even more. So when I walk around standing on my degrees and good english sometimes I forget who I am and where I am and the legacy that I stand on. When the sting of racism hits me Im always slapped back to the reality that I am a Black man in America.

So why did I title this post a double minority. Well truth be told, being black isn't the first thing I think about being judged on. In my everyday dealings I'm more focused on people finding out about my sexuality and judging me based on that. What a situation to be in and in some aspect it is my own people (black people) who do the judging. A double minority but I keep moviong on. But I need not forget who I am a black man first , gay, educated and all that other stuff second. I am sure I will be reminded again . I have never really been disrespected for my sexuallity but rascism is a bug that has bitten me several times.